7 Days to Vegas

The following is an actual conversation:

9:27:05 AM Klagon: One week from today, we'll be enjoying inadvisable pre-boarding cocktails.
9:39:04 AM Hambone: indeed
9:39:08 AM Hambone: and it will be glorious
9:39:25 AM Klagon: bathed in a golden light
9:39:48 AM Hambone: passengers will move from the aisle as we make our way onto the plane
9:39:58 AM Hambone: parting like the Red Sea for Moses
9:40:12 AM Klagon: But with more revulsion
9:40:22 AM Hambone: it's more like running away
9:40:24 AM Hambone: fleeing
9:40:46 AM Klagon: For their part it will be more of an instinctive pulling away from something they don't understand, but know is bad
9:41:16 AM Hambone: and a fleeting attempt to remain dry from our spilling cocktails
9:41:22 AM Klagon: An animal self-preservation instinct from their deep lizard-brain will cause them to recoil in horror
9:41:33 AM Klagon: Yeah, and the spilling cocktails.
9:41:47 AM Hambone: you're tapping a deep, dark place right now
9:41:52 AM Hambone: i'm a little scared of you
9:41:59 AM Klagon: 'cause who wants to smell like Ketel One and Tonic at 830 in the morning
9:42:03 AM Klagon: Besides me/
9:42:09 AM Klagon: Why scared.
9:42:10 AM Klagon: ?
9:42:37 AM Klagon: Listen, I didn't invent debauchery.
9:42:42 AM Hambone: if you're on a plane to vegas and don't want to smell like vodka, you should get off the plane and go to Boca
9:42:43 AM Klagon: I just like it.
9:43:09 AM Klagon: Exactly. Lead, follow or get out of the way. Or end up with some cocktail on you.
9:43:14 AM Klagon: Either way, move it.
9:43:25 AM Klagon: I'm drinkin' over here.
9:43:32 AM Hambone: the lizard-brain threw me for a loop
9:43:41 AM Klagon: It often does.
9:43:48 AM Klagon: That's usually where I lose people
9:43:56 AM Klagon: When I start talking about the lizard hind-brain
9:44:20 AM Hambone: it's a concept I have no reference for
9:44:51 AM Klagon: It is pretty interesting actually.
9:45:13 AM Klagon: Don't know if its psychological analogy or actualy physical truth
9:45:53 AM Klagon: but apparently the very core of our brain, where our basest reactions to things live, is not significantly different than a lizards
9:46:16 AM Klagon: And lizards, apparently are one step up from your right shoe as far as capacity for complex thought is concerned.
9:46:49 AM Klagon: so things like the fight or flight reflex are determined in the lizard hind-brain
9:47:05 AM Klagon: I'm glossing, clearly. But you get the idea
9:47:11 AM Hambone: right
9:47:30 AM Hambone: is that why I occasionally feel the need to eat crickets?
9:47:34 AM Klagon: Yes.
9:47:47 AM Klagon: Also, that is where the love for crickets lives.
9:49:48 AM Hambone: oh, I don't love crickets
9:49:53 AM Hambone: detest them, actually
9:50:04 AM Hambone: I find their chirping to be obnoxious
9:50:13 AM Hambone: "look at me! look at me!"
9:50:14 AM Klagon: So you eat them?
9:50:20 AM Hambone: always in need of attention
9:50:21 AM Klagon: Needy little fuckers
9:50:29 AM Hambone: i eat them to destroy them
9:50:45 AM Klagon: Ohhh.. well that is definitely some lizard-brain shit right there.
9:51:11 AM Hambone: their dead carcass doesn't deserve to return to the Earth unless part of my stool
9:51:23 AM Klagon: Kinky.
9:51:34 AM Hambone: are we back on that topic again?
9:51:39 AM Klagon: Doesn't the exoskeleton kinda chafe?
9:51:52 AM Klagon: Take its toll on the expulsion, so to speak.
9:52:02 AM Hambone: the gizzard is an amazing organ
9:52:04 AM Klagon: So who's laughing now? You or the crickets?
9:52:15 AM Klagon: So you're still using your appendix, then?
9:52:32 AM Klagon: Storing exoskeleton there for the long haul?
9:52:34 AM Hambone: sometimes I swallow them alive so I can here them chirp in my stomach and then suddenly go silent
9:52:45 AM Klagon: You sick fuck.
9:52:51 AM Hambone: my gizzard is in full effect
9:53:01 AM Klagon: Hm.
9:53:14 AM Klagon: I didn't know you and your gizzard were still active.
9:53:18 AM Hambone: it was turned off for a while but a steady diet of meat and hog fat kick started it about four years ago
9:53:37 AM Klagon: Nice. Unless you're a cricket.
9:53:57 AM Klagon: Then its nothing but crushing and slow burning death
9:53:58 AM Hambone: it's known around the insect community as the Jaws of Death
9:54:07 AM Hambone: it actually grinds
9:54:14 AM Klagon: Like that thing in Jedi?
9:54:18 AM Hambone: spinning blades
9:54:21 AM Klagon: Wow.
9:54:26 AM Hambone: the Sarlaac?
9:54:33 AM Klagon: Yeah, the Sarlaac
9:54:50 AM Klagon: Amazing that you knew that. The only useful piece of information in Jedi.
9:54:55 AM Hambone: it's not so much teeth as it is chopping serrated edges
9:55:06 AM Klagon: Oh. Cousin to the Sarlaac
9:55:12 AM Hambone: yes
9:55:15 AM Hambone: in my stomach
9:55:23 AM Klagon: For crickets
9:55:32 AM Hambone: right next to Quato
9:55:42 AM Klagon: Cuato
9:55:46 AM Hambone: sorry
9:55:49 AM Hambone: I always do that
9:55:50 AM Klagon: Get it right
9:55:51 AM Hambone: makes him mad
9:56:11 AM Klagon: Now you're just being a douche to your conjoined martian psychic twin
9:56:20 AM Hambone: oh he gets me back
9:56:23 AM Klagon: Not twin
9:56:27 AM Klagon: More of a symbiote
9:56:37 AM Hambone: sometimes he eats the crickets before they make it to the gizzard
9:56:42 AM Klagon: What is that thing anyway?
9:56:46 AM Hambone: thieving bastard
9:56:54 AM Klagon: You ought to have a doctor look at it.
9:57:06 AM Klagon: I'm pretty sure that's not normal.
9:57:24 AM Hambone: we have a rather symbiotic relationship at this point
9:57:36 AM Klagon: Well, he is a symbiote.
9:57:44 AM Klagon: You don't have lots of other choices.
9:58:00 AM Hambone: i take him to strip clubs every once in a while
9:58:06 AM Hambone: he occasionally shoplifts for me
9:58:18 AM Hambone: so we help each other out
9:58:21 AM Klagon: So there's some give and take.
9:58:24 AM Klagon: That's good
9:58:33 AM Klagon: Otherwise he'd be a parasite, not a symbiote
9:58:39 AM Klagon: No one wants that.
9:58:45 AM Hambone: no
9:58:52 AM Hambone: the downside is I look fat because of him
9:58:59 AM Klagon: I can handle a conjoined Martian symbiote, but not a conjoined Martian parasite.
9:59:04 AM Klagon: That's just fucked up
9:59:33 AM Hambone: without him, I'd look like John Basedow, the Fitness Made Simple guy, only without the bad hair