I take the same shower every day. I do. That's not a joke. And I do
it on purpose. Call me crazy or obsessive compulsive. Tell me I'm
fucking nuts. I'm not going to stop.
Every morning I wake up and brush my teeth. I like to brush my teeth
before I shower so that I don't have to smell or taste my rancid
morning breath as I bathe. It also let's me leave toothpaste running
down my cheek for some mild morning amusement. After the teeth, I
usually strip and take a piss. If I don't feel it coming right away,
sometimes I'll wait until I get in the shower, because running water
always makes me have to squirt. I also enjoy studying the patterns my
yellow piss makes as it merges and eventually dissolves into the
shower water.
Once I'm in the shower, the magic happens. First, I soak for a
minute, get the hair and body wet. Then, almost right away, I put in
the shampoo. I don't like to fuck around too long; it's usually right
to business. My hair is relatively short so I only need a dab or two
of shampoo. I work that into a real nice lather, scrubbing and
scrubbing, maybe, if the mood strikes, even scratching my scalp a
little along the way. I don't go for that fruity stuff, either.
Smelling strawberries all freakin' day makes me sick.
I don't rinse the shampoo right away. That would be stupid. I leave
it in and go for the soap. Irish Spring. Smells good and has a neat
green and white swirly design that's pleasing to the eye. I tried
some of those man gel bodywash things but they're bullshit. They
don't lather right and they smell like deoderant. I don't wanna walk
around smelling like an armpit all day.
First thing I usually wash with the soap is my arms. They're easily
accesible and their long length is good for working up a lather. From
there, I give the gut a good washdown and then tackle the pits. Some
people like to shampoo their armpit hair but that's just fucking
disturbing. Not all hair needs to be conditioned, although a nicely
conditioned set of pubes can be pleasing to the touch.
Once the upper body is clean, I hit the legs. I don't usually wash my
feet unless I pissed in the shower. Then I might give them a scrub to
make sure my urine isn't clogged between my toes. At this point, I
wash my face and then rinse my hair and whatever is soapy.
Once I'm rinsed, I put some conditioner in my hair and get to washing
my junk. I always wash my nuts first for simple reason that I don't
want to wash my ass and THEN my nuts. In that instance, you're
basically stink palming your own sack, and who wants to do that?
Normally, the Irish Spring is more than adequate for getting my
Feldman clean. But sometimes the soap runs low and you have to get
creative. Shampoo can make a fine nut wash and leaves your pubic hair
soft and vibrant. Some bath gels and body soaps work well also but
again, be wary of the fruity stuff, lest you have to explain to some
lady why your nutbag smells like lavender raspberry. Homo.
Once the pouch is rinsed, its off to the ass. The most important
thing about washing your ass is the lather. I can't stress that
enough. If you go to work back there with less than a full hand of
soap, you're basically molesting yourself in a really gay way. Plus,
you'll have to do it all over again and your hand will stink. Trust
me, lots of lather. And when you're done, for Chrissake, wash your
hands. One of them was just up your ass.
I go through this process every day. Why? Because its seven o'clock
in the morning. I'm lucky if I can remember where I'm supposed to go
to work. I don't want to forget something and realize too late that I
forgot to wash my nuts. That's no good for anyone.
