A matter of great concern...

It has come to the attention of the parent holding company of The Toilet Papers that a person in our employ, a Mister Silky (apparently an alias) has advocated the mangling and abuse of a large crowd of prepubescent children.  It is with great concern that we address this troubling situation.

The Board of Directors of Cheatum & Fukem does not advocate this kind of reckless child abuse in a public place.  We find it inappropriate and reprehensible that a person in our employ would address such despicable actions in such a truthful matter.

Mister Silky has been an associate of this company for the last thirty seven years, winning twenty six employee of the month awards, ninety two employee of the week awards, and four “ didn’t do it” awards.  He has been a consistent earner for this company, using his incredible business acumen to convince client after client to spend money on frivolous contracts with huge markups.  He has truly been an asset to Cheatum & Fukem.

In an effort to exonerate Cheatum & Fukem from any liability in his horrifying yet honest comments, we will now slander him to the very core of his existence.

Mister Silky was born in a barn in the back woods of Alabama.  His mother was a twelve year old ex prostitute named Thelma, who didn’t realize she was pregnant and panicked at the sight of the child, quickly discarding it in the woods with the umbilical cord still attached.  He was soon discovered by a pack of wild badgers, who feasted on the placenta and umbilical cord and became so gorged with the entrails that they had no hunger left for the child.  They adopted him into their pack, where he nursed at the rabid teat of a mother badger, learning how to survive in the wild.

At the age of five, the mother badger became concerned with Silky’s demeanor.  He had risen above the basic pack mentality of domination and started teasing the other badgers in a hurtful manner.  Fed up with his name calling and reliance on “I know you are but what am I,” the mother badger grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and deposited him on the doorstep of local farmer Jeb Thunderbrush.  Upon hearing the rattling at his door, Jeb opened it to see the mother badger fleeing across his lawn.  He quickly deposited four rounds of buck into her hide.

Silky was devastated.  The only mother he ever knew had died right before him.  He was taken into the Thunderbrush family but made living difficult for the simple folk, nosing through the garbage, urinating in the oven, and gnawing on the children in their sleep.  Soon, Jeb became as frustrated as the dead mother badger and decided to drop Silky off at a military preschool academy in northern Texas.

Not much is known about Silky’s time in the military academy.  Records show he arrived at the age of five and by eleven was on the front lines in Korea.  He returned to the state in the late fifties with three Korean wives in tow.  They weren’t allowed through customs and returned home.

Silky used the GI bill to get himself a college education from Emmanuel College, a women’s school in Boston, where he majored in business and minored in straight to cable soft porn story telling.  Upon graduation, he moved to California and started his own company, Silky’s Softcore Emporium, a storefront selling softcore and hardcore pornography, while filming various underground sex videos in the back.  The company became so successful that it was bought up by Cheatum & Fukem, where Mister Silky rose to the level of VP of Marketing and Sales.

It is with great regret that we, the Board of Cheatum & Fukem, dismiss Mister Silky amidst these horrifying allegations.  

How Many 5-Year Olds Can Silky Take In A Fight...

24





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94%DRUNKARD

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