I have been transported to another land, my fellow interwebbers. A
place where mice are the size of people, where hot dogs cost five
smackers, where the mass transit sucks, and the evil empire truly
rules the land.
No, it's not New York.
It's Disney World! The land where marketing and merchandising combine
into one gigantic clusterfuck spread across thousands of acres of
humid Floridian fauna. Nowhere in the country will you see so many
fat Americans gathered in one place, eating food that liberal
documentaries should be filmed about while trying to squeeze their
bulbous asses into amusement park rides that were interesting when
animatronics actually entertained. I mean really? It's a Small
World? Pirates of the Carribean? Peter fuckin' Pan? Does anybody
still give a crap about these stories? Does an animatronic alligator
opening and closing its mouth really classify as entertainment anymore?
Yeah, I'm old, and maybe I'm not the crowd that this drivel is
directed to, but I don't know too many kids who know about the
androgenous flying freak who steals a group of children and almost
gets them killed by pirates, while being chaperoned by a fairy.
Disney would never make this crap into a movie today: no one would let
them with all the violence and adult themes. And how the fuck is my
kid supposed to see it if Disney only allows the DVD to be sold for
short periods at a time? Who deliberately keeps their products AWAY
from the public? Arrogant pondsucking greedheads, that's who.
What did Disney ever really achieve to deserve such prime real estate
and an ever expanding chunk of Americana? Mickey Mouse? Donald
Duck? Cartoons? There are children running around this park, begging
their parents for mouse ears, pins (the latest piece of marketing
genius: buy pins and trade! How 1850!), or Cinderella dresses so they
can run around Florida in 90 degree heat wearing teflon head to toe.
The accomodations! Bringing your child? No problem. Need a crib?
How's about a pack and play instead. Have a toddler? Need a toddler
bed? How about a pack and play instead? A multibillion dollar
company, who's focus is children, can't be bothered with proper
orthapedic sleeping arrangements for their lemmings? Why use a
mattress when foamed cardboard will do?
Screw Walt Disney and his ancient boring rides. I can't even find a
roller coaster in this fucking place that does a loop. It ain't the
fifties anymore. Talking mice and singing puppets don't count for
entertainment in the 21st century.
