The Power of the Point!

The following is a more or less real conversation where Silky (me) and Bumpy (Scott) examine the awesome power of the exclamation point.

10:10:50 AM Klagon: yo bro
10:10:59 AM Scott Ham: hey bro!
10:11:07 AM Klagon: nice exclamation!
10:11:16 AM Scott Ham: thanks!
10:11:20 AM Klagon: This day is already looking up!
10:11:22 AM Scott Ham: I'm thinking of typing like this all day!
10:11:29 AM Klagon: We all seem so happy!
10:11:31 AM Scott Ham: what do you think?!
10:11:34 AM Klagon: Happy to work!
10:11:37 AM Klagon: Happy to type!
10:11:40 AM Scott Ham: fuck yeah!
10:11:49 AM Klagon: Fuck yeah, is right!
10:12:00 AM Klagon: Might as well keep it up, I'm smiling!
10:12:11 AM Scott Ham: that means it's working!
10:12:17 AM Klagon: There's a person in Texas who does this all the time!
10:12:28 AM Scott Ham: oh yeah?!
10:12:32 AM Klagon: Ask her for an excel report, get a "here you go!"
10:12:33 AM Klagon: !
10:12:52 AM Klagon: Without fail, she is excited to deliver even the most mundane news!
10:12:54 AM Scott Ham: that's disturbing!
10:13:00 AM Klagon: Tell me about it!
10:13:06 AM Klagon: We call her Lisa!
10:13:15 AM Scott Ham: is that her name?!
10:15:43 AM Klagon: Yes!
10:15:53 AM Klagon: But I don't think she yells it all the time like we do!
10:15:57 AM Klagon: LISA!
10:16:06 AM Klagon: HERE'S YOUR TPS REPORT!
10:16:08 AM Scott Ham: I'm smiling so much my face hurts!
10:16:17 AM Klagon: WITH THE NEW COVER SHEET!
10:16:22 AM Klagon: ME TOO!
10:16:30 AM Klagon: NOW I'M GOING TO KEEP CAPS LOCK ON!
10:16:35 AM Scott Ham: why are you shouting, too?!
10:16:42 AM Klagon: I HOPE YOU'RE READY TO COMPREHEND MY EXUBERANCE!
10:16:42 AM Scott Ham: you're starting to hurt my eyes!
10:16:52 AM Klagon: IT REALLY IS SHOCKING!!
10:16:54 AM Scott Ham: oh, I comprehend it!
10:16:58 AM Klagon: Too much even for me!
10:17:06 AM Scott Ham: I'm just so happy that you're so happy!
10:17:09 AM Klagon: WAIT ITS BACK!
10:17:13 AM Klagon: WHEEEEE!!!!
10:17:26 AM Scott Ham: I didn't see that one coming!
10:17:36 AM Klagon: HOW COULD YOU HAVE?!
10:17:42 AM Klagon: IT CAME FROM NOWHERE!
10:17:47 AM Scott Ham: I couldn't!
10:17:52 AM Scott Ham: that's what was so amazing!
10:17:59 AM Klagon: I KNOW!
10:18:04 AM Klagon: FOR ME TOO!
10:18:24 AM Scott Ham: I just had an apple fritter from Starbucks!
10:18:28 AM Klagon: Let's put that away for later!
10:18:31 AM Scott Ham: it was fucking delicious!
10:18:37 AM Klagon: That's great!
10:18:51 AM Scott Ham: the doughy part is a little crunchy like a cruller!
10:18:57 AM Klagon: Sounds like NO ONE has a case of the Mundays!
10:19:10 AM Scott Ham: there's a sweet sweet glaze covering the outside!
10:19:22 AM Scott Ham: and on the inside is fluffy yellow cake with lots of aple goodness!
10:19:23 AM Klagon: Its like a deep-fried muffin!
10:19:28 AM Klagon: Covered in sugar!
10:19:40 AM Scott Ham: my dick is growing just thinking about it!
10:19:47 AM Klagon: WHOA!
10:19:55 AM Scott Ham: i'm starting nutrisystem this week!
10:20:02 AM Scott Ham: so I can't eat the fatboy food anymore!
10:20:08 AM Klagon: BETTER ENJOY YOUR FRITTERS NOW!
10:20:09 AM Scott Ham: this fucking sucks!
10:20:19 AM Scott Ham: i'm going out in style!
10:20:22 AM Klagon: BECAUSE THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS WILL CAP YOUR ASS FOR EATING THAT SHIT!
10:20:34 AM Scott Ham: eating as much shit as I can cram in before that large box of small portioned food shows up!
10:20:36 AM Klagon: THEY'RE ALL EX-MOSSAD!
10:20:45 AM Scott Ham: no shit!
10:20:49 AM Klagon: KILLING SILENTLY!
10:20:50 AM Scott Ham: i did not know that!
10:20:52 AM Klagon: WITHOUT REMORSE!
10:20:57 AM Klagon: IN THE NIGHT!
10:21:08 AM Klagon: THEN GOING TO THE DISCO!
10:21:31 AM Scott Ham: i would rather be killed by a remorseless cutthroat than a whining, overthinking freak!
10:21:43 AM Scott Ham: i would feel bad if they were perennially tortured over my death!
10:21:43 AM Klagon: BECAUSE WHEN YOU LIVE IN A WAR ZONE, YOU STILL HAVE TO BOOGIE!
10:21:54 AM Scott Ham: dance it off!
10:21:56 AM Scott Ham: of course!
10:22:00 AM Klagon: THEY'RE TOTALLY CONDITIONED AGAINST REMORSE!
10:22:23 AM Scott Ham: I saw John Fogerty on the grammy
10:22:26 AM Klagon: AND ON TOP OF THAT HAVE MET SOMEKIND OF PREEXISTTING PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE!
10:22:28 AM Scott Ham: 's last night!
10:22:43 AM Klagon: SO THEY TRULY DO NOT GIVE A FUCK!
10:22:47 AM Scott Ham: he reminded me of your brother John!
10:22:51 AM Scott Ham: i like that about them!
10:22:51 AM Klagon: REALLY!
10:22:57 AM Scott Ham: it was weird!
10:23:02 AM Klagon: JOHN FOGERTY REMINDED YOU OF JON!
10:23:05 AM Klagon: ?
10:23:07 AM Klagon: !
10:23:12 AM Scott Ham: yessssss!
10:23:17 AM Klagon: HMMMM!
10:23:19 AM Scott Ham: more in physical appearance!
10:23:27 AM Klagon: Yeah, I can see that I guess!
10:23:34 AM Klagon: The hair!
10:23:40 AM Klagon: The squinting!
10:23:44 AM Scott Ham: oh the hair!
10:23:52 AM Scott Ham: the squinty eyes!
10:23:57 AM Scott Ham: the rockability!
10:24:02 AM Klagon: John Fogerty has some classic American folk-hair!
10:24:25 AM Klagon: You can imagine that hair on top of a man picking cotton, inventing the steam engine, or heading West!
10:24:42 AM Klagon: Or traveling the countryside with his giant blue ox, Babe!
10:24:52 AM Scott Ham: oh yeah!
10:24:55 AM Scott Ham: i love me some ox!
10:25:02 AM Klagon: Word!
10:25:16 AM Klagon: DJ Ox is going to come out of hibernation this week!
10:25:21 AM Klagon: With new fresh beats!
10:25:58 AM Klagon: <off topic: this should probably go on the blog!>
10:26:08 AM Klagon: <this is good stuff!>
10:26:11 AM Klagon: !
10:26:39 AM Klagon: Have you ever watched "the whitest kids u know" on IFC?!
10:27:27 AM Klagon: Funny!
10:27:37 AM Klagon: Not, "FUNNY!"
10:27:45 AM Klagon: But funny!
10:29:12 AM Scott Ham: i haven't!
10:29:17 AM Scott Ham: should I?!
10:29:21 AM Klagon: Maybe!
10:29:35 AM Klagon: I have a bunch of them on my DVR!
10:29:44 AM Klagon: I'
10:29:49 AM Klagon: ve seen two!
10:29:59 AM Klagon: They were both funny enough!
10:30:05 AM Klagon: With flashes of brilliance!
10:30:47 AM Klagon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkgMbU-we1o
10:30:49 AM Klagon: !
10:30:59 AM Klagon: This is probably as funny as it gest
10:31:03 AM Klagon: gets!
10:31:35 AM Scott Ham: I can't look at that right now!
10:31:40 AM Scott Ham: I have clients in the other room!
10:31:41 AM Klagon: OK!
10:31:45 AM Klagon: You really cant!
10:31:52 AM Klagon: Its kinda naughty!
10:31:58 AM Scott Ham: Oooh!
10:32:01 AM Scott Ham: I better not!
10:32:12 AM Klagon: This is so much fun!
10:32:21 AM Klagon: This exclaiming! Rather than talking!
10:32:31 AM Scott Ham: I've never used the shift key so many times!
10:32:43 AM Klagon: My fucking left pinky is killing me!
10:32:50 AM Scott Ham: I think I might have broken it!
10:33:01 AM Klagon: I mayhave to chop it off with a cleaver so the infection doesn't kill me!
10:33:13 AM Scott Ham: Better do that quick!
10:33:20 AM Klagon: At least I can join the Yakuza!
10:33:26 AM Scott Ham: infections are infectious!
10:33:33 AM Klagon: My lack of pinkie will let them know I
10:33:38 AM Klagon: 'm a man of honor!
10:33:45 AM Klagon: Or something!
10:33:57 AM Scott Ham: I think they do that as punishment!
10:34:01 AM Klagon: Right!
10:34:04 AM Scott Ham: i don't think it's honorable!
10:34:07 AM Klagon: So maybe not!
10:34:10 AM Scott Ham: it's a sign that you fucked up!
10:34:23 AM Klagon: No, I think to accept the punishment like a man is the honorable part!
10:34:28 AM Klagon: No?!
10:34:38 AM Klagon: Once you cut off a pinkie, its all cool!
10:34:47 AM Scott Ham: i think they would prefer that you didn't screw up in the first place!
10:34:54 AM Klagon: Well, yeah!
10:35:04 AM Klagon: But at least there's some kind of system!
10:35:28 AM Scott Ham: you need to have systems in place!
10:35:33 AM Klagon: Better than nothing!
10:35:40 AM Klagon: Just ask New Orleans!
10:35:50 AM Klagon: Huh?!
10:35:54 AM Scott Ham: there's a happy topic!
10:36:56 AM Scott Ham: way to grind a god conversation to a halt!
10:36:59 AM Scott Ham: jackass!
10:37:11 AM Klagon: But I exclaimed it!
10:37:24 AM Scott Ham: that can only carry you so far!
10:37:26 AM Klagon: See all the exclamation points!!
10:37:31 AM Klagon: I seethat now!
10:37:35 AM Scott Ham: whoa!
10:37:43 AM Scott Ham: you just did TWO exclamation points!
10:37:49 AM Scott Ham: I dont know if that's allowed!
10:37:53 AM Klagon: Too late!
10:37:59 AM Klagon: I don't follow rules!
10:38:11 AM Scott Ham: you're dangerous!
10:38:19 AM Klagon: THat's why the ladies dig me!
10:38:31 AM Klagon: They think they can tame this wild beast, but they can't !
10:38:31 AM Scott Ham: you're like the Danny Bonaduchie of chat!
10:39:16 AM Klagon: Danny Bonaduce!?
10:39:24 AM Scott Ham: is that how you spell it?!
10:39:26 AM Klagon: What the hell does that mean!?
10:39:27 AM Scott Ham: he's dangerous!
10:39:31 AM Klagon: Oh!
10:39:32 AM Scott Ham: he's a bad bad man!
10:39:41 AM Klagon: I had now idea! I thought he was just a douche!
10:39:47 AM Klagon: no idea!
10:39:56 AM Scott Ham: oh he is a douche!
10:40:01 AM Scott Ham: but he's also a bad man!
10:40:14 AM Klagon: Are you sure?!
10:40:30 AM Klagon: He looks like an old woman!
10:40:38 AM Klagon: I'm pretty sure he's just a douche!
10:40:49 AM Scott Ham: you could be right!
10:40:53 AM Scott Ham: i think he drinks!
10:48:26 AM Klagon: He drinks semen!
10:48:32 AM Klagon: From men!
10:48:44 AM Scott Ham: i had no idea!
10:49:12 AM Scott Ham: although as I think about it, it makes sense!

Who's Got It Better? The Dog v. Baby Debate

Baby:
Sleep all day, night.
Others clean poo, pee.
When hungry only need to yell equivalent of, "where the titties at" and titties appear. Big titties, too.
Possess thumbs, albeit nonfunctioning.

Dog:
Sleep all day, night.
Lack of thumbs means reliance on others to go potty, but still - no cleaning.
Food generally available on a regular schedule.
Can lick own genitals at will.

Verdict:
Dead heat in both food and sleep competitions. Titties/Nuts debate boils down to a "you say to-may-to, I say to-mah-to", win-win situation, and therefore no advantage.

I guess you'd have to give it to babies based solely on the existence and hedged value of thumbs.